If you’ve had a break-up, you’re probably either trying to
figure out how to get over the person, or how to win back lost love. Neither is very easy, but most people fall to
one or the other, with only very few able to move on quickly without pining or
wishing things could be different. You
should really think hard about the relationship and your ex before you do
anything. Think about how things were
and how they will be now. Try to be as
unbiased as you can. You might decide
that the break-up really isn’t a bad idea.
If you decide to try to win back lost love, the first step
is to apologize. You might think you’ve
done this. You might have said you were
sorry several times. But if your ex
thought you were apologizing just to stop a break-up, he or she might not think
the apology was sincere.
If you were the one who did something that you need to
apologize for, apologize again. Now they
might think the apology is sincere, because nothing hinges on it. If the
relationship has ended, you won’t be saying it only to save it but they will
believe that you really mean it. (And
hopefully, you do.)
When your ex was the one who did something worth apologizing
for, then rather than try to get a sincere apology from them, forgive
them. You may never forget, especially
if your break-up was because of cheating, but you must learn to forgive. Forgiving is much harder for some of us than
merely saying, “I forgive you,” though, so you might want to read a book or two
on forgiveness and how to really mean it.
If you want to win back lost love, this step will help you do it. And it can help prevent problems in the
future, too.
If you do succeed and you win back lost love, 3 or 6 or 9
months into the newly patched relationship, old issues might come up. If you haven’t forgiven the person for
whatever was done to break up the relationship, then you might have a hard time
getting past everything. Old wounds
would be reopened and it’s likely that hurtful things would be said.
But if you can truly forgive the person, then there won’t be
any need to rehash the past. While
you’re working on forgiving him or her for whatever happened to cause the break
up, forgive them for the break up itself and you’ll save yourself lots of grief
down the road.
Also, to win back lost love, show the person the
"you" they fell in love with, not the “you” that has been
dumped. They were with you because you
have certain qualities—kindness, thoughtfulness—not because you’re angry,
jealous or hurt. While you might not be
able to hide the hurt, concentrate on being the best "you" you can
possibly be and you may win back lost love by reminding them why they loved you
in the first place.
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